When I woke up, the plane was still in the air. Outside the sky was yellow-grey. Rasha was awake and writing in her journal. “Good morning,” I groaned.
    “Hey,” she said. “Did you sleep alright?”
    “Yeah, no problems. What time is it?”
    “We’re about two hours off. They’re going to serve breakfast soon; they just announced it over the intercom.” She closed her journal. “I actually slept really well; I feel great.”
   
    Breakfast was a plastic tray filled with cubed potatoes, a pale omelette, and some ham, served with a warm roll. The flight attendant brought around cups of tea and coffee. The food was pretty good, for being served on a plane. I looked out the window as I drank my coffee.
    “What do you see out there?” Rasha asked. She hadn’t been able to finish her food, and had reverted to her nervous looking around.
    “We’re still over the ocean,” I said.
    “I’m gonna try to sleep again.”

    The plane landed at 6:30 in Reykjavik. Rasha and I stood in the baggage claim, eyes half-closed, swaying on our feet. Our bags were some of the first to come out, so we grabbed them and rushed out the front doors to the loading area. Outside it was incredibly cold. As soon as we got out, we pulled on an extra jacket each. The charter bus was still waiting.
    “Where are you going?” Asked the driver, in English.
    “Eskifjordur,” Rasha answered, with perfect pronunciation.
    “Well, get ready for a long trip,” he said. “You two are at the end of the line; should be about ten hours.”
    “Should we buy stuff to eat, or?”
    “Once we get everyone loaded up, we’re going to drive to a market a few miles away. Too expensive here. Can I get your names?”
    “Rasha Pine,” she said.
    “Aki Abe.”
    “Good, okay. You two are the first to get here. There’s someone else going to Eskifjordur, Hälle Andersen. You know him?” He checked our names off a list.
    “No,” I said.
    “I figured you wouldn’t; he’s probably some kid coming home from the US.”
       
    We sat down, near the front of the bus, after loading our bags in the cargo hold. Since we were the last stop, the driver, Raymond , let us just throw our stuff in. The others had to wait outside as their luggage was organized so it could be loaded up in a good order.
    “I can’t believe we’re actually here,” Rasha said, watching the people outside shuffling their bags around. I nodded. “I wonder who that guy Hälle is.”
    “Probably like Raymond said, just someone coming home.”
   
    About five minutes later the rest of the passengers began boarding. An old American couple sat next to us; Rasha had the window seat this time. “Good morning,” the man said brightly. “I remember you girls from the plane.” His wife glared at him a little but smiled at us.
    “We’re going to Eyjafjallajokull,” she said.
    “Are you going to visit the volcano?”
    “Of course! After that we’ll rent a car and drive North. You’re traveling together, right?” she asked, gesturing between me and Rasha.
    “We’re conducting a field study for our thesis,” I said.
    “Oh, what’s your thesis on? Glaciers?”
    “We’re studying Briareus,” Rasha said, before I could.
    “But that’s a scientific reserve, isn’t it? Did you get special permission?”
    “Yeah, we got in contact with the survey administration, so we’ll be on the island with the research team,” Rasha beamed.
    “Well, that’s exciting,” the woman said. “It was nice meeting you.” Her husband smiled at us, then turned back to his wife and they started talking quietly. Rasha closed her eyes and leaned against the window, already dozing again.
    We stopped at a supermarket, where Rasha asked me to get her some fruit and water, before slumping in her seat and pulling her jacket around her like a blanket. I got out of the bus with about fifteen other people. “We’ll be stopped here for half an hour,” Raymond said. “We won’t leave without everyone on the bus, but please don’t take too long.”
    In the market I bought four apples, two sandwiches, two large bottles of water, some chocolate, and a few tins of fish. As I checked out, a thin man, in his twenties, got in line behind me. He watched me as the clerk piled items into a bag, and as I paid. I stood outside and decided to wait for him to come out.
    “You’re one of the girls going to Eskifjordur, aren’t you?” he asked. A slight accent.
    “How did you know?”
    “My father told me two Americans would be coming to the town for research.”
    “Oh, so you’re Hälle?”
    “I am. My father works at the harbor; B-P scientists told him they’d issued special permissions for two students to land on Briareus. Is that true?”
    “My partner Rasha and I are going to study the island, yeah.”
    “Let’s get back on the bus,” he said. “I’ve been in San Francisco for the past year.”
   
    We climbed in, and I went down to my and Rasha’s row. “There’s a couple sitting next to us already,” I said.
    “Come sit with me,” Hälle said, pointing near the front of the bus.
    “Well, I don’t want to leave her on her own.”
    “Nothing bad will happen to her,” he said. “I promise.”
    “Alright, hang on.” I gently shook Rasha awake “Hey.”
    “Hey,” she mumbled.
    “This is Hälle,” I said, gesturing toward him. “I’m gonna sit with him up front, if you need me for anything.” I unrolled the bag and took out her half of the food. “Sleep well, alright?” She nodded and fell back against the window.

    Hälle was born in Eskifjordur, I learned. His family had been stevedores and fishermen, always working near the water. As we shared my sandwich and the bus drove along the coast, he told me about growing up there. How he and his friends played hide and seek at the docks, and his friend Sander was finally found under a pier, clutching the supports. The cavern a little ways from town, where he and his two cousins got lost in the dark for almost an hour.
    “I’ve never been more frightened,” he said. “Being lost in a cavern, or the woods, or anywhere in nature. It’s different from being lost in a store, or in some town. The cave was silent except for our breathing, and a little trickle of water coming out of the wall.
    “I thought we were going to die. All three of us did. But we made our way out, and when we saw the light at the mouth of the cave, we ran to it and then outside. And when we got out we watched the ocean coming in, and going out. And the sky was grey. And we felt like we were still lost in the cave.”

    For the next few hours and six stops, Hälle and I talked about where we’d grown up, and our respective experiences in America. He had done his senior year at San Francisco State, studying zoology. “I’m back temporarily, I hope,” he said. “I’m here to be with my family and take care of my mother. She has cirrhosis,” he explained.
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Anyway, I’m going to be here for a while, making sure she gets to a stable state. You and Rasha should let me show you around sometime.”
    “Well, we’re gonna have a few days in town, so sure,” I said. We stopped talking for a bit, and just looked out the window, watching the hills and glaciers roll past. “This is a gorgeous country.”
    “Every country is gorgeous,” Hälle replied.
   

    “It’s so cold here!” Mom exclaimed, as soon as I opened the door. “How can you stand it?” She hugged me quickly and came inside. Dad was still outside, on the phone with someone. Foggy breath puffed out as he argued with whoever was on the other line. “He’ll be in soon,” Mom said. “There’s some kind of budget problem at the base.”
    Shirley had wandered out of her room, and into the living room. “Oh, you must be Aki’s mom,” she said.
    “This is Shirley, my housemate,” I told Mom, who looked very surprised.
    “Hello, Shirley,” she said in English, and shook her hand. The door opened and my father stood in the doorway for a moment, looking at Shirley, then entered. “This is Shirley, Aki’s housemate,” Mom said in Japanese.
    “You didn’t tell me you were living with a black girl,” Dad said, still in Japanese.
    “I’m not dating her, so calm down,” I said in Japanese, keeping a nice tone so Shirley wouldn’t know what was going on.
    “W-what’re you guys talking about?” Shirley laughed.
    “My dad’s work won’t leave him alone,” I said.
    “I’m sorry to be rude,” Dad said, and held his hand out for a shake. “My office is panicking over a budget oversight.”
   
    “You have a nice view,” Mom said, looking out the window at the park. “It must be beautiful in the spring.”
    “Well, it was nice in autumn,” Shirley agreed. “The park down there was all orange.”
    “Do you two go there sometimes?”
    “To the park?” Mom nodded. “Sometimes, yeah. Some friends of ours had a picnic there about a month ago.”
    My father was walking around quietly, looking at Shirley’s stuff stacked up on shelves, her weights in the corner. “Do you not have anything out here?” He asked me, in Japanese.
    “Dad, you’re making Shirley uncomfortable. He asked if all this stuff is yours,” I told her.
    “Oh, well, most of it, yeah. Aki didn’t bring much!” She picked up a few books from the table and stacked them before setting them back down again. “I’ve been telling her she should get some stuff, but, well you know her, she just gets more books.”
    “Well she is in school,” Dad said.
   
    They had gotten in only about an hour before, and the flight had been tiring, so they didn’t stay long. We drove to a restaurant nearby, where I got clam pasta and Mom got Caesar salad and Dad got a hamburger.
    “So how are you adjusting?” Mom asked. “Is everything okay here?”
    “What do you mean ‘okay?’”
    “Things are different here; I’m just wondering if it’s been difficult at all.”
    “I’m gaining a lot of weight,” I admitted.
    “That’s alright,” Mom said. “You’ve always been a little skinny anyway.”
    “I should start working out with Shirley, or I’m gonna get fat.”
   
    “This place makes much better hamburgers than the base,” my father interrupted.
    “What is wrong with you,” I said, putting my fork down. “why can’t you just shut up about my friends?”
    “Don’t talk to your father like that,” Mom said quietly.
    “I was talking about food,” Dad said, and took another bite, cracking a rib of lettuce. Mom started eating her salad, never letting her mouth stay empty long enough to talk.
   
    After dinner, my parents hugged me and drove to their hotel. “We’ll go for a drive somewhere tomorrow,” Mom told me. “Don’t be mad at your father, this budget thing at work is putting a lot of stress on him.”
    “I know,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
   
    Rasha and I are on the second plane. It’s dark outside the plane window. I don’t know what we’re above right now; I just see the red flash from the wing. A lot of people are sleeping. The flight attendants gave out alcohol earlier, which Rasha and I had a lot of. She’s asleep now; after two hours of nervously looking around for structural weaknesses in the cabin, she started nodding, and finally slumped in her seat. She woke up for dinner about an hour ago, but drifted off right after finishing.
    I’m going to try to sleep.

    We’re in Boston right now, waiting for our connecting flight on Icelandair. Cherie drove us to the airport after we got bagels at a cafe near Rasha’s building. She parked at the curb by the entrance, and helped us get all our checked luggage out of the trunk. Then, she hugged Rasha and me, and had to leave cause of the other cars waiting.
    Rasha had to throw out a set of knitting needles at the checkpoint. “I don’t even knit,” she told me as we walked down to the terminal. “I just thought I should try to start, since we have so much time.” She didn’t bring much to occupy herself with. She has a CD player, a couple books, and she’s been writing something in a journal since we got off the first plane.
    When we started boarding, I asked if she wanted the window seat, and she said no thanks, so I took it. I thought she was just being nice, and she was, because I really like having the window seat, but once the plane started to taxi she put away her journal and looked straight ahead at the seat in front of her. And when we actually took off, she clutched the armrest and closed her eyes tight.
    Once we were in the air she calmed down a little, but was still looking all around the cabin, as if to find cracks in the fuselage.
    “So I called my parents last night,” I said.
    “Yeah,” she said, turning her face to me.
    “My mom’s all worried we’re gonna miss our bus or miss the boat or something. She’s always been really concerned about getting places on time. So I talked to her for a little bit, then she gave the phone to my dad.” I looked at her and she nodded for me to go on. “He told me he was proud of me. He…never wanted me to come to school here. In this country. I got into a lot of good schools in Japan. Tokyo, Kyoto, Chiba; he told me the best schools are in Japan, to think about my future and make the right choice.
    “So he was furious when I decided to go to Chicago. I remember I announced it at dinner with my grandparents, so he couldn’t make a big scene. But afterward, we walked through the parking garage and we were all completely silent. And we got in the car and when he started driving across the bridge he just went off on this huge rant, about how my grandmother was ill and how I wouldn’t be there if she got sicker, and that my mom needed me at home, or at least near home. I was in the back seat, and I just watched the other cars on the bridge. And he talked the whole way home, and when we got to our house, he stopped talking and we all went inside, in complete silence again.”
    “But now he’s proud,” said Rasha.
    “Yeah,” I said, smiling. “I’ve never regretted going to Chicago. But knowing that my dad feels okay about it…it makes me happy. I’ve been telling both of them a lot about our thesis, and I think they don’t really understand why I care so much about some island, or islands in general, but they understand that I’ve dedicated myself to it. And that must be really comforting, as a parent. To know that your child has a direction.”
    “My dad’s disappointed that I’m not going for med school,” Rasha said.

    My last two finals are done. Don’t know or care how I did on those, either. I’m at Rasha’s apartment now, with my luggage.
    She picked me up at dinner time, once I’d finished my test. Brian helped me out the door with my stuff, and grabbed my hand when we were finished loading the trunk and Rasha got back in the car. “Have fun,” he said, trying really hard to smile. He hugged me for a long time, stroking my hair. He finally let go and his eyes were wet.
    “I will,” I promised, and kissed him. “I’ll be back in a few months. It’ll go fast.”
   
    Rasha and Cherie and I ordered a pizza, and opened a bottle of wine, both of which Cherie paid for. “I’ll miss you,” Cherie said. “You weren’t a bad roommate.”
    “You weren’t terrible either,” said Rasha, punching her arm.
    We put on a movie but neither I nor Rasha could focus on it. When it ended Rasha and Cherie went to bed, and left me in the living room to sleep on the couch. Before I got ready for bed I called home. I talked to my mother for a little while; she asked how Brian was and I said he was okay.
    “When will you be getting there?”
    “We’ll land in Reykjavik around 7 AM, then we need to catch a bus to Reydarfjordur, and then a ride to Eskifjordur.”
    “That sounds like a tiring trip.”   
    “It’ll be almost a full day of travel.”
    “Make sure to pack something to eat.”
    “I don’t know if that’s still allowed, mom.”
    “Well, make sure to eat.”
    “Okay, I’ll make sure to eat.”
   
    We talked a little longer, her worrying about me getting to the bus on time, and getting lost somewhere, then she said goodnight, and have a nice trip, then passed the phone to my dad.
    “Hello?”
    “Hey, Dad.”   
    “So everything’s ready for tomorrow? Who’s driving you to the airport?”
    “Cherie, Rasha’s roommate.”
    “How were your finals?”
    “Pretty good, I think.”
    “That’s good. And you have all the forms filled out for the trip?”
    “Of course, that’s been done for weeks!”
    “Alright, I just want to make sure.”
    “So how is everything there?”
    “It’s been snowing a little. Your mother and I took a walk in the park a few days ago and we saw a fox.”
    “Aww! We just have raccoons and pigeons around here. I haven’t seen a fox in a long time.”
    “We took a photo; I’ll email it to you.”
    “Thanks.”
    “Are you taking a camera with you? We’d like to see the island.”
    “I’m taking a little digital camera, but Rasha’s more of a photographer. I can send you hers, if you’d like.”
    “Alright, that sounds good.” He paused for a moment. “Your mother and I are very proud of you, Aki.” I started to say something but he continued, “we all know I would have preferred for you to study here, but you’re doing something very special with your education. I’m glad you did what you wanted.”   
    “I…thanks, Dad.”
    “Call us when you’re settled in tomorrow.”
    “I will. Goodnight.”

    Just got out of my political science final. Don’t know how I did.
    This morning Brian made us banana pancakes for breakfast. I really am going to miss him. When he left for his test I told him “Good luck, I love you,” and it felt weird but I meant it.
   
    If everything goes according to schedule, Rasha and I are leaving in four days. I have everything packed up, aside from my laptop and other stuff I still need to use. I even made a checklist, which I actually marked the boxes on as I took inventory of my bags. Tonight I’m sending a last email to Harald, to make sure everything’s in order on his end.
    I’ve been exchanging emails with Rasha as well; she’s decided to hope for the best and leave for Iceland the same day as me. I still have to call my parents to check in before I leave. I keep imagining being there, walking on the rocky shore, watching the sunrise. Finding a newly-settled species. Seeing the stars. It’s been a long time since I had a good view of the stars.

    Finals week. After Thanksgiving Brian and I have been better, somehow. I told him about Louis and he didn’t seem surprised. At this point we know there’s only about a week left, so we’ve just been much nicer to each other. I guess some of the tension sort of dissolved.
    Rasha called me around lunchtime today. We’d decided not to have a meeting this week, because of the test schedule, and I was supposed to be studying, so I was annoyed that she called. She asked me if we could meet at a cafe or something, and that it was important.
    We decided to meet at a campus cafe, so I could go to the library afterward.
    “Hey,” she waved as I got close. She stood up and hugged me, then stood in line with me, holding her cup of coffee in both hands.
    “So what’s up?”
    “My uncle,” she said. “It looks like he really is…you know. He’s gotten a lot worse.”
    “Oh,” I said, frowning. I tried to meet her eyes but she was looking down. I put my arm around her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
    “I’m thinking about going home,” she said.
    “During finals week?”
    “No, next week.” The week we were supposed to leave for the study.
   
    After I got my coffee we sat down. “If you’re going home next week, the trip…”
    “I don’t know. I want to go, I really really want to. But it’s my uncle.”
    “Yeah.”
    “And, I mean, I got in touch with the Survey administration, and asked if they could alter my itinerary, but they said the ship going to Briareus can’t make more than one trip a month, unless it’s an emergency. So if I get there after the ship leaves…” she shrugged. “They already pushed the supply restock back a week for us.”
   
    We talked for a bit longer, then I went to study, after giving her a hug and telling her I hoped her uncle would get better. But when I got to the library I couldn’t focus. I can’t really imagine going without Rasha. I’m sure I could make it, but it would feel wrong. I hope she can come with me.

    Early today Brian rode to the supermarket and bought some green beans and yams so we could have something to take to Thanksgiving. After lunch we started cooking. As I snapped the ends off and cut the beans in half, Brian told me about how his project was going. Louis wrote a program or something that runs a limited simulation of the company they’re supposed to be writing about. It sounded pretty cool. I sauteed the green beans in chili oil and garlic, like at a Chinese restaurant. Brian made scalloped yams with brown sugar. We rode the bus to Chaim’s house, which wasn’t too far away but the dishes were heavy.
    Chaim had all these bowls of chips and dip laid out on his coffee table, which his housemates were grabbing handfuls from. He was baking an actual turkey; the rich smell filled the house. Kyla wasn’t there yet. After we each opened a beer, Brian and Chaim had a conversation that I managed to be a part of for a while, about architecture. Brian left for the bathroom at some point and Chaim asked me how I was doing.
    “I’m leaving on a field study in about two weeks,” I said.
    “Oh, awesome! Where?”
    “I’m going to Iceland. There’s a volcanic island there, Briareus, that I’m writing my thesis on.”
    “I kind of remember hearing about that before.”
    “My thesis, or the island?”
    “Both, I think. Brian probably told me about your thesis once.”
    Brian came back. “Told you what?”
    “About my trip,” I said. His face faltered for a moment.
   
    Kyla arrived about half an hour later, with another case of beer and two apple pies. The turkey was ready around that time, and dinner was good.
   
    We all drank too much, and Chaim let Brian and me stay on his couch. Kyla stayed as well, and followed Chaim into his room. There weren’t many spare blankets in the house; we had a thin fuzzy thing, and slept in our clothes and held each other.
    I drifted off to sleep, but was woken up by Brian saying my name, touching my face.
    “Baby, I’m trying to sleep, uuuugh.”
    “Aki,” he whispered, “Aki.” He kissed me and I returned it weakly. “I love you, I love you so much,” he slurred.
    “I love you,” I answered quietly. He kissed me again, and held me tight. His mouth slid past my face and pressed against my ear. “Baby, not right now,” I groaned. “I’m so tired.”
    “Don’t go,” he said.
    “What?”
    “Don’t go on that trip. Please. Please just stay here with me, I need you so much. Stay here,” he whimpered. Tears dripped onto my neck. “Aki.”
    “No.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I mean no!” I pushed against his chest until he let me go, and I slid off the couch onto the floor. I got to my feet.
    He was still lying down, and looked up at me. “Why?”
    “Why would I stay here? With you? Do you realize what an asshole you’ve been to me lately?”
    “Aki —”
    “Shut up! You think I’m going to give up on a field study I’ve been planning for a year? Just cause you cried?”
    “Just forget it,” he said, turning over to face the couch. “Come back to bed.”
    “Yeah? Let’s just pretend you didn’t tell me I should let this opportunity pass, cause you’ll miss me when I’m out doing something that matters to me. Is that what we’re doing? Let’s just forget it.” He took a breath as if he were going to say something, but he didn’t. “I hate living with you. Whenever I come home I feel like I’m about to fall off a cliff.”
    “What does that even mean,” he sobbed. I stood next to the couch and watched him shaking. After a while I got back onto the couch and under the covers.
   
    “I’m going to Iceland,” I said,  rubbing his back. “I’ll miss you too.”

    We made plans to have Thanksgiving with Chaim and Kyla and a few other people tomorrow. I would have asked Brian if I could invite Rasha, since she doesn’t have any family or anyone here, but we’ve been doing better lately and I didn’t want to risk it.
    I met Rasha today, at Third World. We’d read over the safety guidelines independently the day I’d gotten them.
    “I’m getting so excited about the trip now,” Rasha said. “Almost all the time, I’m thinking about it.”
    “Me too, I can’t wait.” It was raining hard outside. “So what’re your plans for Thanksgiving?”
    “Eh, I dunno. Probably nothing. Might make something with Cherie. You?”
    “Brian and I are going to something his friends are putting on. I guess it’ll be okay.”
    “That sounds nice.”
    “His friend Kyla is really sweet.” I sipped my coffee. “We haven’t worked on our thesis for a while, huh.”
    “Well, it’s pretty much done, aside from the field study, right?”
    “I guess. I always feel like there’s more research we could be doing.”
       
    After coffee we walked to Rasha’s under her giant umbrella. “I used to play in the rain all the time as a kid,” I said. “Just seems like too much trouble, now.”
    “That’s just how kids’ stuff is. You have to clean up toys when you’re an adult. You can’t just give wet clothes to your mom anymore, you know?”
   

    I got my plug adapters, wool socks, hiking boots, and thermal pants in the mail today. I’ve barely been paying attention in classes. I have the feeling I’m going to fail econ, but I honestly don’t care. It’s nice. Rasha and I hung out at her apartment most of this week. Not really doing anything in particular, just being together. That was nice too. Even in a rough spot, I was spending too much time with Brian.
    This week Harald sent a packet of information he recommended Rasha and I read over together — the safety procedures for the island. Even as I remembered what happened to Daniel Garre, I got excited knowing I would have to take measures against ending up like him. I would be on The Hump. And, according to the guidelines, I would have to stay 4 meters from the edge at all times. I’ll also be required to be accompanied up the hill by at least one member of the team, due to loose-packed dirt on the slope.
    Brian eased up some a couple days ago and I’ve felt a little better about being at home with him. We made turkey burgers the other day, which were delicious.
    Today is just good. I’ve got everything ready for the trip, and we leave in two and a half weeks. Brian’s cooking dinner now; shrimp pasta.